I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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