There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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