there was a trapeze. enough said
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
