She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have demons in me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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