this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
