just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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