Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
