yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
