Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
