You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
