and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
