Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
