She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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