hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
