got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
