The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Alive.
So much puke
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
