that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this hospital has no fireball
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
