I think my fart just growled at me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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