allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
