Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
