My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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