im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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