Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
