smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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