I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
