I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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