dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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