At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
