He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
