Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
