Just cropdusted the office
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
