return my video game
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
