Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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