I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
