Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
