Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
