I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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