Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
