but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
