If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
