they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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