We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
