His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
