four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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