I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
