She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
