we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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