No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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