well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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