If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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