right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
