a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want to make out with him forever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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