Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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