I love black thongs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
