I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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