His pubic hair was longer than his dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
